Rant Archive (September 1999)

Telephone Companies

The phrase alone carries enough weight that I might not even have to rant. Maybe All I have to do is use the phrase… (spoken slowly and in an eerie manner…) “Tel-e-phone Com-pan-ies”..

Jeesh. That alone strikes terror in to the faint of heart. I got a bill that was very high. I mean, like “Oh, my God” high. The reason is simple. I didn’t read the fine print. Hence the phone company charged me at the highest possible rate at every turn then add like 75% simply because they can.

Trying to talk to a live voice was a challenge. I don’t know why I am not soothed when I am told how long I have to wait.

I do fantasize sometimes about what the world would be like if people treated corporations the way corporations treat them. Imagine they call to tell you your payment is late. They are first greeted by the “Main Menu”

-”If you want information about Jon, Please enter your password” (of course, there is only one employee who knows the password, and she will be back from vacation in three weeks)

From there is a dizzying array of options and menus. None of which are up to date, or relevant.

“Your call is important to us, please continue to hold. Your call will be answered in 23 minutes”

Of course, the person who actually answers will have no authority whatsoever over my life.

Nor will his “supervisor”. They will be simply in place to deflect my bill collectors.

Ahhhh…. captitalism.

But here is the part that is utterly pricelss. After an unreasonable amount of phone calls, I actually made headway. I was able to lower the bill. The phone operators were totally prepared when I gave every reasonable explanation why I thought my bill was too high. These reasons ranged from a complex analysis and rate comparison to “its just too high and I cant afford it”. None of those worked.

The reason that did was the explanation that worked: “Look, I’m a guy….”

When she stopped laughing, she gave me $200.00 price break on my phone bill.

What a world.

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